Healing hands

This time I cannot promise that my post makes any sense, or at least deeper sense (as usual). I simply promised to publish pictures of my hands on my blog, which my colleague Johannes Hieslmair made, who is currently writing his Master’s thesis in the context of Machine Vision.

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Nothing more to say, actually?

As I am sitting here, I am wondering about quite a few stories that the hand pictures might be able to tell.

One of them is told by the gesture of crossing middle and ring fingers. It is a gesture that I started making a lot, unconsciously, ever since I started belly dancing. You may never take these two fingers apart, because they are supposed to hold your veil (even if you dance without it). It’s my story of rediscovering and learning to love the softer, more feminine part of me again, after having gone through childhood full of divorces and violence against women, after having gone through a male dominated education, several male dominated jobs, and the assimilation that goes with it. But that story is still being written, so I’ll let go for now.

One other story that comes to mind is that of healing hands… well, of feeling hands at least. I am having sort of a coming-out now as I am telling you that I’m gifted (or maybe rather cursed) with the ability to feel human auras with my hands. You may feel tempted to brand me as an esoteric nutcase after that statement, but it’s true. I feel it all the time, and it’s there. And because it’s there, I cannot ignore it. And because I cannot ignore it, I am restless all the time. Being a methodically thinking researcher and having supernatural sensations is quite a bit of a contradiction, and I’m aware of that. But it’s also cool. Being aware that science is never finished, realizing how intangible truth really is, gives you a view on life that is amazing. You cannot go wrong. Life is a journey, and whatever you do, it is full of promise.



-- --------------------------------------------------------------
-- Author: Helga H.    
-- Date: 05/01/2011
-- File: coalesce.sql
-- --------------------------------------------------------------
-- you know you're seriously damaged when you're trying work and 
-- no matter what you do, you can't stay focussed.
-- the encounter with a single little sql keyword totally puzzles 
-- you and makes your thoughts drift away,
-- wondering about the meaning of love, 
-- of human relationships, 
-- of transcendence.
-- wondering, if loneliness is a natural feeling or just plain 
-- pathological. 
-- you close your eyes.
-- yin and yang. day and night. body and soul. mind and matter.
-- why would you miss that non-existant significant other 
-- so painfully if you were to be without it?
-- where does the yearning come from?
-- your eyes open without you actually wanting it.
-- there is your desktop. and your screen. 
-- and that stupid little cursor thingy blinking at you.
-- so you hack on.
-- --------------------------------------------------------------

SELECT * FROM sakura WHERE (shadow LIKE COALESCE($S, '%'))
startdate <= year(now())+1

“Escaping the matrix” or “How to use the Win32 Swiss Ephemeris DLL from C#/.NET”

1:00 AM. Sleepless. Pondering. Up for dill pickles.

Repeatedly, I’m experiencing vivid symptoms of progressive intellectual pregnancy.
And it’s true. I’m bearing the idea of creating an astrological tool of my own, so I’d like to share the birth experience with you.
Well, at least the pains. ^^

Recently, I found a very extensive code library for computing planet positions. It’s called Swiss Ephemeris and it’s available right here.

The library is written in one of my favorite programming languages, namely C++.
Ohhh yes. Good old C++. No frills, just beauty. ROAR.

In spite of all the love for platform independent low-level languages and puristic coding style, I’d like to create a flashy front-end for my tool, so I’m gonna use C# on the .NET platform with loads and loads of pretty flashy *bling-bling* WPF functionality *bling-bling*.

Like the idea?
Yes? Come closer, then. All we need to do is escape “the matrix”. The cozy, safe environment of the .NET virtual machine, that is.

The Matrix (Source: DeviantArt, mrfu709851)

The first step outside of the matrix is to declare C# function wrappers which specify the entry points of the Win32 library:

        static extern void swe_set_ephe_path(char* path);

The second step is to declare an unsafe class that contains all the methods which encapsulate all of the extern function calls:

    public unsafe class SwissEphemerisWrapper
      public void SetEphemerisPath();

The third step is to create a fixed scope if we need to pass parameters outside of the matrix:

        public void SetEphemerisPath()
            fixed (char* path = ".\\sweph\\ephe")

Done. Took the red pill.

Read the Disclaimer, if you dare.

Embarking on a journey

I don’t know where I come from, I don’t know where I go.
I have started a journey and I simply cannot turn around and go back, act as though nothing had happened.

I cannot make the things undone that I did. I cannot make the things unseen that I saw. Whatever I felt, it has been graved into my heart.

Every journey starts with a single step. It doesn’t even need to be a step forward.
It can also be a step backwards or even better: A step inside.

I step inside to discover the beauty of me.
I take a step backwards to see the beauty of others.

There are so many white spots left on the map of my soul.
Quietly, I’m embarking on a journey to discover them… and to fill them out with their true colors.

A few days ago on IRC

What really counts

If you read the About section, you’ll learn a few things.  You’ll learn that I’m a white & nerdy female computer scientist, a chaotic single mum and a researcher in her early twenty-somethings. You’ll read it and you’ll probably say ‘wow’ or ‘yuck’ or simply hit the X button and click me out of your life.

Deep in my heart I’d rather like to stay anonymous, like in good old Web1.0 times, and cheat myself through the world with a male pseudonymous. But however, this is Web2.0, life doesn’t go backwards… and maybe, just maybe, there’s something good about having to reveal my true self. (Well, at least my mundane identity.)

True self. HA HA. As if I knew who that is!

Honestly. I have no idea.

I’m here to explore.

I’m here because I want to express myself. I want to redesign my life. I no longer want to be the overworked, undersexed single mum with the unshaved legs and the grey complexion and the permanent bad mood.

I want to dance with bare feet until I get dizzy.

I want to laugh until my belly hurts.

I want to fall in love – and this time I want it to be so electrifying, that I’ll be giving off sparks. Not just sparks, fireworks. Not just fireworks, supernovas.

Go ahead. Stalk me. Google me. Read out the About section. But the bold lines above… they are what really counts.